Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Things a Resourceful Man Can Discover

So since last we spoke plans have changed and have already been set into motion. Yesterday was by and far the worst day of my life to date.

A. The two children from bean-town have gone back with their grandma and Aunt. I have promises that we'll keep in touch and we'll have plenty of camera-phone time. Which is nice but doesn't change the fact that I'll never be daddy again.

B. She's gone to Abeline to be with her boyfriend who she met online only a couple of weeks ago. She's supposed to call when she got in so I did a little searching and called the number that I THOUGHT was his. Turns out the number I got was the number to a different guy she was with that she met on the geek to geek dating site back in January while she was still pregnant with my son. They've gone out on a date before I we started walking down this road to divorce. As I'm talking to this guy I discover that he never knew she was married and even worse that she had no children and was a pastry chef at a bakery. She's denied the very existance of her children.

My wife has abandoned her children to follow her selfish desires. She's destroyed her family utterly because she just couldn't keep it in her pants, so to speak. I'm twelve brands of betrayed, several of them name brands. I'm all sorts of hurt and can't believe that she would ever do such a thing.

Part of me wants her out of my life forever. Part of me wants her to get the help she needs that I know she won't.

The plus side is that I have our son, and always will. The plus side is that she's no longer living under my roof. I don't have to see her every day and be reminded of just how awful someone can be. Let's be honest, if there were no children involved I'd be way better. Ten times at least. I'll get over her and I'll get over her quickly. But her children deserve so much more.

The thing is, I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust a woman that I've let into my life again. I did nothing but devote myself completely to her and raise her children for her while she went out and fucked with us. It will take me a very long time to forgive her for that. Right now I simply don't have that kind of strength.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Strange Updates

Well the tide in this little big event has turned. The new plan is that the two children that came with my wife will be moving to Boston with their aunt and grandma. My little guy will be staying with me and my soon-to-be-ex-wife will be staying down here, getting help. She's come to a very difficult and serious conclusion that she has many problems (ranging everywhere from Post Partem to major issues of neglect and abandonment as a child.) She's already spoken with a therapist and is starting to get the help she needs so that she can be a mommy to her children again.

She came to this on her own, though everyone around her saw the signs. Well almost. I guess my hindsight is 20/20, but at the time we shrugged off any issues she had as being temporary. Big mistake. Won't do that again.

She'll be getting a job and a place of her own and will be going back to school to pursue a degree in culinary arts (she wants to be a pastry chef). I still love her and hope that she can get all aspects of her life in order. For her sake AND especially for the sake of her children. Maybe when she gets better and the opportunity presents itself we can be a family again, but for my sake I need to not hold onto that. I need to find a way to move on and I have no idea what that could be.