Questions

It's almost impossible to go through a divorce without having a myriad of questions. Being a naturally inquisitive person myself this is doubled.

I can't figure out why she wouldn't try to make this work for the sake of the kids. I'm not talking about faking it, but at least going to some form of marriage counseling to try to figure out just what is going on. If we had tried to make it work and failed that would be different. It'd still be what it is but at least we would have actually tried to make it work.

I don't know what's not to love. Seriously. For all my faults, and I have a bunch 'em, I think I'm a pretty good person. I know I've been a model husband and a great father. I know I'm a much better person today that I was before I went down this path of marriage. I know that I've changed since we got married and I know that it was all for the better.

Even being able to say that is great, though. I've had nothing short of massive confidence issues since middle school and I think I've finally started to get over them. Don't get me wrong, I've still got 'em, I just know I'm getting better all the time.

What's going to happen with the kids? I'm pretty sure she's going to be moving back to Boston before too long. I know she'll be dragging her two children from her previous relationship with her, which kills me. I'm no longer daddy to those to kids that I would easily die for without a thought to the contrary. As for the child we have together we keep talking about a every third month for three months he changes his home. I just wish I could take care of him myself and he could go visit his mom and his half siblings every so often. I know some of that's being greedy but I also think that I can provide him a much better life here. I have a steady job, it doesn't have stellar pay but if I was able to support a family of five I can definitely carve out a life for the two of us. Her plan is to move back to Boston and live off of food stamps and welfare while her mother babysits so she can go back to school.

I know that a boy needs his mommy, but he also needs his daddy. Not to mention the fact that his daddy sure as hell needs him.

How am I supposed to deal with the next however many days or weeks its going to take with the two of us still living under the same roof? Just how long is it going to take for her to get back up to Boston? What did I do to make her go? Why must she be the one that I have to love (so-oh like Candy)?

Sorry, I have my 2000+ songs on shuffle right now and certain songs keep popping up that seem appropriate to what I'm going through. Maybe its because there's so many songs about dealing with failed relationships.

Maybe I need to stop asking why. Someone much smarter than me put it very succinctly: "Sometimes the better question isn't why, but what's next."